JH lowered his cup of coffee and cleared the throat.
- You know... I had a crush on her.
CS's voice was unexpressionless and eyes - non-moving.
- Everyone had a crush on her - when someone smiles like that, laughs like that, talks like that - it's unevitable that just for a second every man dreams to own that smile, to be special in those eyes, to be cared for with that passion. And she was really the best in everything as she declared and I never bothered to hide thar she was the best as a woman too.
JH inhaled deeply.
- But even so...
- Don't start with that 'moving-on' crap, time passed and so on. Even for you - isn't it hard? When you hear russian speech, catch her films on TV, visit clubs we all had fun in, stumble on her fotos on internet - doesn't your heart fall every time? Now imagine what is like for me. There isn't place on my body she didn't touch and kiss, I can close my eyes - and her arms are around me again, her voice whispers my name at night. I see a dog on the street and remember her gushing all over them. I talk to my mother - and remember how she unwillingly said she would be responsible for me. I meet acquintances, friends and collegues - and it's like she's always there, standing between us. My birthday is the same as her best friend's. How can I sing? - She encouraged me to go solo and, though always bitching, helped with production and promoting. How can I act? - She had been mentoring my acting from the start. I can do nothing. I can't escape. She stole my life from me.

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